Yes, we are home! It’s taking some time to adjust however and it’s been quite stressful. Malia is very happy to be home and we see more glimpses of her true personality when she has the opportunity to relax but most of the time she’s very angry and frustrated. We still need to make her do things she doesn’t want to do – I’m constantly battling her to shove some kind of medicine in her mouth or some kind of food. We’re having a very difficult time trying to get her to eat. They said that she may experience taste changes as a result of the chemo so on top of the loss of appetite, everything that she used to like she doesn’t anymore. So each night, we’ve made three separate meals for her and she doesn’t like any of it. My mom and Kyle keep telling me that she’ll gain her weight back but it’s very difficult to see her like this. Since the beginning of all of this she’s already lost 6 pounds and I’m really afraid that she’s going to have to have a tube in her nose for nutrition. At the same time, I also understand that the tube in her nose may just provide more of the nutrition that she needs than what she will intake on her own. It’s just heartbreaking to think of that though.
We took our first trip to the clinic today (kind of a surprise visit) because the medication that we need to give her every day (the shot) is still tied up in insurance paperwork. Sadly, I had to give her the first shot today in the clinic which she was very mad about. On the good side it really only took about 10 minutes before she allowed me to sit anywhere near her again and she also wanted me to lay down with her in bed tonight and sing her a couple of songs. I know she’s mad at us and I keep reminding her that none of this is her fault, she is not being punished, and it’s okay to be mad. I do know that she’s very cautious about trusting anyone right now and it just kills me that every time I feel like she’s beginning to trust me again, I have to make her do something else that she hates (like the shot today L). It’s only been a little over two weeks since this nightmare started but it really feels like months.
I have to say though, that the amount of support that is still coming in gives me strength. If my mother wasn’t staying with us right now to help, I really don’t know what I’d do. I went to get the mail and there were still so many cards coming in to her from people all across the country – people we don’t even know and it gave me such a warm feeling…thank you! We’ve received donations from friends and family to help with the medical bills – it is absolutely overwhelming and reminds me that you all are there and that you are reaching out to help. There aren’t any words that express the amount of gratitude and appreciation that we feel towards all of you.
Thanks to alll of you who have sent Malia your hand stamped cards ~ how awesome! If you would still like to send her a smile thru snail mail please see my earlier posts here ;o) I appreicate all of you!